Love Letter

Para sa Minamahal,
Di ko alam kong kailan ka darating sa buhay ko pero mag-aantay parin ako. Di ko rin alam kong ano ang magiging hitsura mo pero alam kong makikilala ka nang puso ko. Wag mo sanang alalahanin ang kalagayan ko kasi hanggat di kita makakasama pipilitin kong lampasan lahat ng pagsubok sa buhay ko. Kung sakali mang di man tayo magkita, iisipin mo lage na nasasayo parin ang puso ko. Kahit baguhin man ng panahon ang daloy ng buhay ko, sayo parin liligaya ng tunay tong puso ko. Sana abutin ka ng sulat. Sana ingatan ka ng May Kapal. Hanggat sa oras na tayo'y magkasama, aantayin kita, mahal ko.

Laging sayo,
Ang Nagmamahal...

being trapped in a relationship

This is not an unusual problem. A lot of early couples are experiencing this kind of issue. Trapped in the sense that the person in that relationship feels no future in their relationship. But he/she cant give up that person because his/her partner still holds on to them. And the partner is still believing that they can still make it.

It really sucks to be into something that is not working well. Honestly and open communication between partners really helps . The hardest part is taking the risk by deciding to let go and holding on to the decision for the better good. Ignoring wont drive this away cause a time will come that it would be a lot harder to fix the problem.

A lot of people experiencing this thinks that letting go or forcing their other partner to break their relationship is being cruel to their partner. Specially when they see that their partner is trying his/her best in holding on.

But this is not the case, it doesn't mean that if the other one is trying to make ends meet in your relationship. Then everything would turned out to be fine. THe issue here is that you not growing as a couple if one ignores the issue because it would be cruelty or wrong and the other one is covering it up with efforts.

Its hard specially if you have been together for quite a long time and had beaten a lot of odds together. And it would a sad thing to admit to yourselves that your not growing close but farther apart. Admittance that you had this issue, honesty on speaking, listening, and had a courage to decide are the things you should put in mind.

A Kiss that feels right

Ever since the ancient times, kiss has been one of the best way to show affection or respect to someone. A touching of one person's lips to another place that somehow evolved through time and many kinds were born from it. But aside from that, kissing has been one of the ways to find a suitable partner.

We sometimes came across to a lot of people who considered kissing someone a way to determine if that person was right for them. A lot also claimed that kissing someone who is really meant for you feels different or somewhat special compared to kissing other people. They call it “the spark”. Funny it seems that some rely on this spark to find the perfect one.

Would a kiss be enough to decide if you are meant to be? Many would say “Yes”. But a few would be skeptical about it. But me, I don’t totally disagree with the whole thing but may add a few details. When you find someone or if you’re with someone meant for you, I beg not to be melodramatically about it, everything would feel right. Even the slightest breath of air, the sound, the moment, everything would feel right. And these things do not go one way.

It is not only the kiss that would feel right when your with the one you love… but everything… would feel right.

Simala Travel

Last April 13, my mom with the rest of the family went to Simala. I having gone to Simala for 3 times already and did not expected the kind of picture of it when we arrived there. If you have been to Sinulog, yesterday's people was same as it was in Sinulog. There were so many people. It was so since it was the 13th day of the month and falls on a Sunday which according to some old folks in the area, is day of miracles of the virgin. It was not a good thing to be there since I was suffering from mingraine already. And the heat, crowd and the atmosphere in Simala is not helping my situation. But I'd still managed to be there for a few hours and attended the mass. And believe me, the number of people that goes out never compensates to the number people thats goes in. I did think yesterday that Mother Mary seen the people in Simala since there were scattereed rain shower on the area. It was quite refreshing but the fact that "from heat then rain" is not good. Wahaha.. :D It was dark when we arrived home. I did thank God since I was still in good shape althroughout the travel. It was an unforgetable experience. One thing I've learned that day, if you want to avoid a lot of people, go to Simala when its not Sunday and not the 13th day of the month. And one more thing, bring yourself only and dont be with someone else. So you wont have a hard time dragging someone along with you :D

broken promises

Well, i turned to be bad for breaking my promise to my mom to be home early. I did planned to be home early but a friend of mine invited me to hang out with some friends. I did like the idea since that friend would pay for my food. But the sad thing was I forgot to ask for permission to stay late or be late. I did anticipate on the time but I was so happy hanging out with my friends that I got lost track of time. The next thing I know it was 10:30 pm which was way past the time I promised to be home. When mom called on the cellular phone of my friend, I immediately got on the jeepney going home. Not only I did break my mom's promise, I also broke one of my promises too. I did promise that I should stay away and ignore that person. And also as much as possible never ever speak of that word again. But me being an ass, broke it all. I clung to that person like a lizard. I did not ignore that person coz most of my attention was on that person. And not but not the least, I used that forbidden word many times. I know I did went so far in breaking my promises. But did I really broke them or was it still on the context? I did an emotional check within myself. And it was still my resolve. So it was nothing serious to impose a threat to me. I felt bad for the broken promises.. And I do my best to never do it again.. :D

Johny Deep Movie marathon

Today, I watched movies starring JOhn Deep. Well these are "The Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World's Ends" and "Sweeney Todd: the demon barber of fleet street" . The first one was pretty nice. I really am amuse on the acting of Jack Sparrow (johny deep). hehe.. His lines in the movie (or the manner he carry himself the scenes) are funny. On the other hand, the second movie was a bit tragic since Mr. Todd (johny deep) killed his own wife. It was an accident though coz he wasnot able to give a closer look at the woman. But it should not have happen if mrs. lovett did not lie of his wife's whereabouts and mr. todd was not eatin by his thirst of revenge over the people that cause him pain.

All the films are worth watching.. ANd I enjoy myself watching them:D

Johny Deep fan forever!!! hehehe

... regrets...

Things we regret on:
1.) things we wished to have but did not
2.) words we wished to say but too late to be spoken
3.) things we wished to do but failed
4.) people we could have been but didnt have a chance to be
5.) people whom we wished could have stayed but left
6.) wonderful moments but did not last
.
.
.

...... the list is endless unless we stop and think that regrets are nothing but a mere reflection of our cowardice in life. Regrets came to be since we were not able to achive our goals because we let ourselves being hindered by fear, insecurities, pride and other things. We start to regret when we stopped thinking that past is of the past or the past could never be changed. We could avoid these things if in our life, we do the things we really wanted to do and bearing all the consequences of it.
...... Life is directed by our choices. Carefully choosing those choices according to what we really wanted would be a way to lessen our regrets in life.. ;)

she will be forgotten

..nakz...
it just came to me this week. When i said "im moving on", i might sound absurd based on the things I have been doing lately. Well, I am but not enough. It is not enough in the sense that people could still feel the kind of presence we have together. Though how many times I tried to impose change within myself, people cant see it. They see thesame old me around same girl. Well, I can't force them to think that way esp. when they think that my world is still around her. THe fact that is was doesnt mean it is still. My heart could be stupid but wounds do heal. And when it does, scars remind us that we wont do it again no matter how dumb we could get. A lot of friends had their suggestions on what should do but I did not listen thinking it would be too harsh to implement between us. But this has to end since I know can see the gap I had created between us. I want that gap to widen so that people would see that she doesnt matter to me that much. I dont want to impose this on the hard way but we might be running on thesame circles or worst creating another circle of our own. Sad to say, she will be forgotten. Not tomorrow, Not on June, but Now.. She will be forgotten and this she will learn that on the hard way.. And I dont intend to hurt her.. ANd I know perfectly my place. This has to happen again to delibrately destroy the thing that has been between us that should have never been. That would be painless on my part since I could go on without her. I dont know if that would hurt her either..... all i know is that... i would do this.. not to free just my self, but the both of us from the strangle of issues around us so that we could act separately without affecting each other.. :)
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Note: i Dont inteNd tO be Assumptous to some part of the post.. All of it were based on how I feel and please just respect it. If U got nothing important to say, just Dont post a Reply cause I would think youre absurd.. hehe.. Comments are greatly appreciated... Thankz for reading.. :O
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Sacrifices

Its been sad lately since I did not have good grades in all my higher math subjects. Its painful to see a lot of 5 in my report card. And now, this academic year, I would sacrifice what I think has been so deliberately useless in my academic life. Although they add spice to my college life but the fact that I need to concentrate so that I could graduate this year. I wish that I could make it since it would be a test of my determination against these things that is I consider now as temptations. I know I had been stupid to entertain these things and its never to late to make my last resolve. I know surrender them, so Help ME GOD.

A day with muscle pain

Since I put up a lot of stress to my upper body yesterday, it resulted to muscle pain in those areas. Sadly I need to go school today which I thought to be fruitful. But I ended to waste a lot of money with accomplishing less of my desired tasks for today. I came to help my friend from their physics experiments which was very very late. We had to sneak to her boarding house just to be able to be in her room and made their experiments there. I thought my day in school would ended up without seeing my batchmates. But I was wrong cause after a few hours in my friend's boarding house, one of my barkada came. Well at least, my day did not ended up all messed up. Though I was not able to make almost 50% of the task I which to accomplished today, I am still happy that I was able to hangout with my friend. But though nice events came today, I still am bearing the muscle pain all through out the travel. I think I would get sick. My friends gave a few punches to me which is painful considering I am suffering muscle pain. But it was ok though since it was just for fun yet it was still painful. I arrived late today though I promise to my mom to be home early. I dont know if she was angry since she was already sleeping when I arrived. Though in pain, I still finished my whole day.

Trying to run away...

I know she felt it that I am running away. THough there are times when she asks me to be there, I am there. But its that I wanted that bad to be with her, it just there are times that I just wanted to hang out with her specially when its been a long time I had time so quality time with her (?) hehe.. I am so tired betting around thesame circles again. I think I am quite numb to her sweetness or to her charm coz I know its just her pheromones working and she did not mean all that. And for a guy like me who have been troubled by this thing that she had, well I learn, I think :) . I tried to run away as far as I can from her by going to other set of friends and spending time with them than with her. If she looks for me, I tried to find an alleby just not to stay with her.. That's the best thing I could do for her and for me. Coz this is the only way for me to stay intact on my reality than spending a lot of time on fantasy with her >:(

holding her hand

Like something I've always wanted, holding her hand reminds a lot of things. I know it doesnt mean anything to her but I can't feel the typical holding hands. Well, I for one had hold so many hands esp girls. But unlike them, this one is much different. I did not ignore the fact that since I like her so much, everything she do for me is for me special. Well I try to deny any emotional attachment in every thing we do, but everytime I hold her hand, it made me wish to stay that way. I dont know.. It feels weird in the inside. It overturns my stomach. And it makes me high. I cant deny that her hand always feels different eveytime I hold it. I know it sounds kindda strange but it calms my anxieties and i feel soo much loved. LoL.. I may sound so EMO but that how it feels. That how I find her hand so compelingly strong to unearth my senses.. :)...

Learning to love in Letting go

I dont know exactly what has gone into me. I just tried to figure out how I could let go this one special person but it seems a lot of instances that draws me to her. I dont know why I just let myself fall again into the same PIT where I used to fell upon. But I guess that are one of the mysteries of love. Well, I still got this feeling for her, and this is enough to get through me. I dont know what would happen next. I know this would invite more trouble. But I guess this is for me face through. I liked her which is all that matters and I dont find the reason why I cant spent QT with her. Wish I could have that opportunity to have her :)

hajime!!

Well, I guess I got to MOVE ON... well now I have a reason to. The journey from now will be a lot tougher than before but i would do my best to surpassa all the obstacles that come my way. I am determine to let go of the past and make it a lesson to my future decisions. It was a nice mistake that taught me alot of things in this life and reminds me of the things I had forgotten. Well, now the journey start and I am hoping to find the end of this journey someday with the one who is truly meant to me.... :)

Wakarinai

someone asked me, why i liked her these much? All i can reply is a face of "I dont know". I dont pretend that its "i dont know", it is really. I mean I know yet I can't put into Leyman's Term. I can't communicate clearly what my heart wants them to know. And came another follow-up question, "Is it love?" and again all i can answer is an "i dont know again". I just tell them these things I felt. And I let them judge from it. These are the following: (1) When I touch her hand, I pray she wont let go ; (2) When she's sad, I tried to make her smile; (3) When we had a moment together, I hope that moment wont last; (4) When she's with me, all i could wished is her to stay... that's all. Well, then if you were to decide, is it love? Love or not Love, it changed me and I dont know how but it did. Though, my vision of my life became so messed up because of this feeling. Yet I know deep inside my heart, it was worth a try.

the Meaning of Living

I was just some ordinary guy who loves to surf the net, play chess, play Computer Games, watch animes and read stuffs. Life has been so simple to me. I got few friends but did not wished to be attached to them. I believe that as long as I keep my distance to them, the less pain they can inflict on me when time comes. But then, just out of the blue, she came. Unlike in the movies that there was some kind of an aura at first look, everything between us has been so casual. My resolve was certain at those time. But then, like what has always been said "You can never tell..", strange things happened to me. I just cant exactly pin-point when did it really start, but this feeling is something greater than anything I have felt before. I know how scared I am, or how insecure I am, or how negative I am. But just as she holds my hand and bare that smile on her face, all the negativism in my mind just fades away. And all I can think is doing my best for her. I dont know why I was compelled to her. Maybe, just maybe, because I felt warm with her. I felt strength flowing into my veins everytime I see her smile. I never thought life could be this much meaningful to me just by seating with her even for a while. I was so selfish to wish that I could stop those time and be with her forever. But unlike fairytales with happy ending, it did not came to a good end. Because soon I realized that somehow I fell for a dream. She was just someone that was not part of my reality. Everything that has been happening was just out of my own imagination. I know that in that dream, I was real, she is real and we both felt thesame for each other. All that left in me, is the longing that I could have her back. She left with my heart. And I couldnt live just of the thought that all was just a dream for somehow deep within me it was most real thing I've ever been in my whole life. And she's been the only girl that gives me the meaning of living.....

Watashino kokorowa nidowo anata ima desu

Watashino kokorowa ima anataga hitsuyou desu. Watashino kokorono nakani naze mada irunoka watashiwa wakaranai. Keredomo, watashiwa anatawo wasureyou to tsuru. Demo, watashino kokorowa antato isshoni ita anatokiwo omoidasu. Watashiwa anataga aideraruto shikteru.

Uncovering Flash

Guys I am learning now how to incorporate flash in my site. saunz.. i am bit slow in learning this thing. Though I got hard knock out on this topic, I find flash animation really astonishingly great.

Here are some changes I made in my site, kindly visit and post a comment here:
http://www.knightfrost.frih.net

....wala ko nakauyon...

ug sadihang guisapot ko sa akong nahibalu-an.. Naa diay na-iritate nako? sa maigo lang.. irritating diay? saunz.. maypa ako ning guibuhat sa una irratating man diay.. mild-mild nah gali ni.. Sige.. kay irritating man.. paugatay tah... well, i wont lose anything. And take note, its not my problem if you cant handle my actions. And its fun I am this way. A lot of things came into view.. Actually, there are a lot of things I missed cause I am not what I am now. Saunz.. weLL, I am happy too bad they are not. Well, i hate to say this but if you hate me the way I am now, FUCK off.. i wont get in your way granted you wont get into mine. Finally, i thought they were with me since they were all around me but their true colors came into view and they showed me that we were just around me and only from there.. :P .. I thank God for I learn to be own my own, learning life my way and revealing the colors that surround me.. Padayun tah.. Paugatay tah.. And PS.. to the person nga na-irritate nako, keep it to your self.. and usa pasad I woNT hANG OUT to PIPOL I dont LIKE...

sick of some people a.k.a Hinanakit sa WoRLd

intriga? well, its not really that intriguing as you might think but it just what i had been feeling all this time. I am sick of people. I am sick of them pretending to be my friend, which they had reconfigured the meaning of a friend. I am sick of how they treated me as if I am person no right to say things. You know what it will be so good if I could yell "F*CK U" at your face. Or I could punch at your face too. I am sick of people thinking that I am this stupid. Do they really think that they could use me? Guess not. Well, it sucks to pretend to go out with this people when you feel so left out. COuld they just f*ck out in your life. Am I this loser to be around with this people?. If I were to have the chance to choose another people to be with, I would not ever choose to be with your company. And mind you, do you think that you do understand me? Dont be a hypocrite and say yes to me cause YOU DONT. Could you just stop to pretend that you know me cause you dont. And dont give me that pitty crap of saying that its me that had a problem cause you know what you been my problem ever since. Do you think you could play with my feelings? Do you think I grew tired? Do you think that no matter what you do I wont give a damn? well sorry for implying that to you cause I think I am not that doll to foool around with you. Well, I am just letting you play with me. Be scared on how I pay back. I am sick of people mistreating me. I hate how they talk about me as if they knew half of my life, or as if they knew me. I suck to be around with suckers like this people. It was good that i had meet true friends who almost dispersed the anxiety of having this suckers with me.

PS. if you think that you know this people I am referring in this post, then stop thinking cause u wont have to think about it. DOnt try to assume coz those will backfire at you. And KeEp it to your self. Isak-sak mo sa baga mo!...