the Meaning of Living

I was just some ordinary guy who loves to surf the net, play chess, play Computer Games, watch animes and read stuffs. Life has been so simple to me. I got few friends but did not wished to be attached to them. I believe that as long as I keep my distance to them, the less pain they can inflict on me when time comes. But then, just out of the blue, she came. Unlike in the movies that there was some kind of an aura at first look, everything between us has been so casual. My resolve was certain at those time. But then, like what has always been said "You can never tell..", strange things happened to me. I just cant exactly pin-point when did it really start, but this feeling is something greater than anything I have felt before. I know how scared I am, or how insecure I am, or how negative I am. But just as she holds my hand and bare that smile on her face, all the negativism in my mind just fades away. And all I can think is doing my best for her. I dont know why I was compelled to her. Maybe, just maybe, because I felt warm with her. I felt strength flowing into my veins everytime I see her smile. I never thought life could be this much meaningful to me just by seating with her even for a while. I was so selfish to wish that I could stop those time and be with her forever. But unlike fairytales with happy ending, it did not came to a good end. Because soon I realized that somehow I fell for a dream. She was just someone that was not part of my reality. Everything that has been happening was just out of my own imagination. I know that in that dream, I was real, she is real and we both felt thesame for each other. All that left in me, is the longing that I could have her back. She left with my heart. And I couldnt live just of the thought that all was just a dream for somehow deep within me it was most real thing I've ever been in my whole life. And she's been the only girl that gives me the meaning of living.....